Romantic and Unromantic
 

 

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you're not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face.
I wish I were in outer space.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in, to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe 'go to hell.'

 

    
   
   
   
What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A Stamp

What does an envelope say when you lick it?

Nothing, It shuts up.

    
   
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.      
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
 		      
A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift

Jonny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jonny added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

 		    
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
Nigel, an alcoholic, staggered into a bar on Valentine's Day and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave her kiss in honour of Valentine's Day. She jumped up and slapped him really hard. Nigel immediately apologised and explained, 'Look, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.'

'Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!' she screamed at the top of her voice. 'Funny,' Nigel muttered, shaking his head, 'you even sound exactly like her.' 

 

My One And Only

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

 

    
   
   
   
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.    
   
   
A Little Nuts About Love Driving through Southern California, I stopped at a roadside stand that sold fruit, vegetables and crafts. As I went to pay, I noticed the young woman behind the counter was painting a sign. “Why the new sign?” I asked. “My boyfriend didn’t approve of the old one,” she said. When I glanced at what hung above the counter, I understood. It declared: “Local Honey Dates Nuts”    
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
Two Lovers

Two lovers left a party and hailed a cab to take them to a romantic hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cab driver noticed a fork in the road, and said, “I take the next turn, right?”

“No way, get your own,” said the man, “this one’s mine!”

s Valentines day was approaching, Charlie decided to buy a special gift for his new girlfriend, Ruth. The couple had not been dating for very long, and so Charlie wanted to make sure the gift was just right. Ruth was




 As Valentines day was approaching, Charlie decided to buy a special gift for his new girlfriend, Ruth. The couple had not been dating for very long, and so Charlie wanted to make sure the gift was just right. Ruth was always complaining about having cold hands, and so Charlie - after careful consideration - decided a good gift would be a nice pair of gloves.
Charlie took his sister with him to buy the gift - he wanted a woman''s opinion. they found a nice pair of gloves at the store, and Charlie''s sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. Unfortunately, the sales clerk got the two items mixed up.
Charlie mailed his Valentine''s Day gift to Ruth, accompanied by the following note:
I chose this Valentines Day gift as I noticed that you often don''t wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
These are a lovely colour. The lady at the store where I bought them showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I''ll be kissing them in the future. I hope you''ll wear them Friday night for me.
Love,
Charlie